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Fire Walk With Elias

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Who is Elias? The Drifter formerly known as Samson had his last name sent to the Black Lodge to sit in the red room with Langston, Adrian, and Antonio. He looks the part of a professional wrestler from the 1980s, but seems to have a grasp on playing to crowds in 2017. Elias drifts around the WWE roster (sometimes literally), jumping from one opponent to another without settling into a classic “feud.” Whether he’s keeping Dean Ambrose busy between Intercontinental Championship matches, or playing a bit part in the Finn Balor/Bray Wyatt rivalry, Elias is placed in the ring with opponents who matter. This is impressive, since it is unclear if he’s wrestled for more than 30 minutes during his young tenure on the main roster.

Elias is a modern mystery, in the best way possible. He could become henchman #3 in the Wyatt Family, or a World Champion. Over the past three weeks, he has worked against Finn Balor on RAW and fought Kalisto on Main Event. Usually, by this point, the WWE Universe would be anxiously waiting for Elias to become something, as if he were Dougie Jones teasing us with each sip of coffee. To his credit, Elias is both something and nothing at the same time, and seemingly could become anything.

Fast forward to 2018, an alternate reality in which Elias holds the Money in the Bank briefcase. In the middle of being grilled in an interview by Tyler Breeze and Fandango on Season 2 of Fashion Peaks, he gazes off into the distance in the middle of a sentence. He gets up and drifts out the door. Meanwhile, in Twin Peaks (the ring), Universal Champion John Cena has been beat down by an angry Braun Strowman. You see, Cena got a title shot against CM Punk (it’s an alternate reality, folks) instead of Strowman, who felt he was deserving. Braun’s attack earns him a match at Summerslam against Cena, but unfortunately it will not be for the Universal Championship. Instead of the usual onslaught of Mr./Ms. Money in the Bank’s theme music prior to a cash-in, we hear one single strum on a guitar. Elias slowly saunters down the ramp, bashes Cena over the head with his guitar and cashes in.

There is also an alternate reality in which Elias is following Bray Wyatt to the ring as he cashes in his briefcase. Before that idea becomes too sobering, we must remember the beauty of a modern mystery in wrestling. Perhaps this guy with a guitar will drift away from the spotlight and he’ll be brief comedic relief on a 3-hour television show. Of course, he could be a World Champion within a year. In the same way we shouldn’t try and comprehend an episode of Twin Peaks, we should not attempt to figure out Elias just yet. Just walk with him.

 

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